Reducing sibling rivalry – practical ways to encourage bonding and minimise jealousy

Sibling relationships can be full of love, laughter, and lifelong friendship, but they can also bring moments of competition and jealousy. It’s completely normal for siblings to have disagreements, but when rivalry becomes a regular part of family life, it can lead to frustration for everyone. The good news is that there are ways to encourage a strong sibling bond while helping to reduce conflict.

Here are some practical steps to promote harmony and minimise jealousy.

Avoid comparisons

It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying things like, “Look how nicely your brother is sitting at the table” or “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” But comparisons, even when well-intended, can create resentment. Instead, focus on each child’s unique strengths and praise them individually. Try saying, “I love how kind you are to your baby brother” or “You worked so hard on that drawing, well done.” This helps children feel valued without feeling like they have to compete for attention.

Encourage teamwork

Giving siblings a common goal can help them see each other as partners rather than rivals. Simple activities like baking together, tidying up as a team, or working on a puzzle can create opportunities for cooperation. Praise their teamwork by saying, “You two make a great team!” to reinforce positive interactions.

Make one-on-one time a priority

When a new baby arrives, older siblings might feel like they’re being replaced. Setting aside dedicated one-on-one time with each child, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, can make a big difference. Let them choose the activity so they feel special and seen. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or playing their favourite game, this time helps strengthen your bond and reassures them that they are just as important as ever.

Teach them to express their feelings

Jealousy often comes from frustration or feeling unheard. Encourage children to talk about their emotions rather than acting out. If they’re struggling with their feelings, help them put words to their emotions by saying, “It sounds like you’re feeling left out. What can we do together?” Validating their feelings rather than dismissing them can help them feel understood.

Give them age-appropriate responsibilities

Letting older siblings help in ways that suit their age can foster a sense of pride and inclusion. A toddler might enjoy handing you a nappy, while an older child could help choose the baby’s outfit for the day. Small responsibilities can make them feel important and involved rather than left out.

Create special sibling traditions

Building positive memories together can strengthen their bond. Set up a fun tradition like a weekly “sibling storytime” where they read to each other, a secret handshake just for them, or a monthly “big sibling adventure” where they do something special together. These small moments help reinforce the idea that they are each other’s allies, not competitors.

Be fair, but not necessarily equal

Fairness doesn’t always mean giving both children the exact same things. Different ages and needs require different approaches. One child might need more cuddles, while the other might need more independence. Being mindful of their individual needs, rather than treating everything as a 50/50 split, helps avoid unnecessary rivalry.

Sibling relationships take time to grow, but with a little encouragement, patience, and understanding, you can help create a strong, loving bond between your children. By focusing on teamwork, communication, and special moments together, you’ll be laying the foundation for a lifelong friendship.